“Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up” - Psalm 71:19-20, NIV
On April 13, 2020, I lost my mom to COVID-19. She was and still is my best friend. Losing her has been the most heart-stretching, gut-wrenching, humbling experience in my life. Even though she was the one who passed away, a part of me felt like I died too. It left a huge hole in my heart and, at times, can become debilitating if I allow it. For some, grief such as this can be too much to bear and can make you feel alone. I can relate. Here are some things that helped me to get through the grieving process.
Keep your eyes on Jesus. During my time of grief, I had to remember the promises of God. I had to remember that He is for me and not against me, that He loves me, and that He loves my mother more than I ever could. Likewise, He is the same toward all of us. Death is not the end, but the beginning of eternal life with Jesus. 2 Corinthians 4:18 reminds us,
“We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
It’s easy to remember His promises while everything is peaceful, but when the storm hits, our minds can panic and go blank. The bottom line is to remain faithful and continue to praise God because of His promises. For the believer, death is a temporary situation, and its sting of separation will not be felt in the coming days. 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 tells us that we will see our loved ones again, and we are to encourage one another with these words.
I had to allow myself to grieve. Pause, take a moment to face what happened, take a breath, and release all that is inside of you. Once all the adrenaline has disappeared from making the funeral arrangements, stress and calls from family and friends cease and pause. You did a great job, and now you can rest. If you don’t express, resolve, and or identify your emotions, you can have unexplained negative lifestyle patterns later in life. Take this season of sorrow to feel all that the process of grief has to offer. Psalm 118:5 says,
“In my anguish, I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free.”
Having people around me helped me take my mind off of my troubles. I had a wonderful support group who encouraged me to share my feelings and accepted me as I was in my grieving process. Don’t allow people to tell you when you should stop grieving. It is a process. I had emotions swinging from one side to the other. Anger was the most dominant emotion for me. However, having people around who genuinely care for your body, soul, and spirit will understand. A support group is critical during this season. Ugly cry, scream, cut your hair, or do nothing. Do whatever you need to do to express your emotions productively and healthily. Those who support and love you will understand.
I could not run; I had to crawl. For me, I had to take it one step at a time. A huge blow was dealt, and life looked really different to me. I could not just get up and start running. I had to take it one second at a time, then one minute, then one hour, and so on. While I was down, I realized that pain has a purpose, and the same goes for you. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:22,
“It is better to go to a house of mourning than to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart.”
While experiencing grief, things are put into perspective; if you allow the Holy Spirit to minister to your heart, then you will learn to embrace your grief. The process of grief will work to strengthen you and allow you to strengthen others. Be reminded that the Lord loves you, and He is for you.